When I was 7–12 years old, I was quite ‘popular’ girl. It meant that people around me liked me, respected my opinion, wanted to make friends with me.
Approximately at 13, I gained a lot of weight. It made me hear jokes around. Girls and boys didn’t hesitate to leave comments about my appearance. And I think, they did it not because they were bad guys. They were simply very straight forward and they were telling me and talking about me very truthfully. I was really not slim at all.
It brought worries, self-doubts and desire to turn time back. I struggled with that state, tried diets and 14, 15, 16 years old. I went to gyms. I hired personal coaches. I bought ‘magic’ creams that were supposed to make me a princess. I experimented with completely stupid things with medical stuff (my Mum and grandma were doctors).
As you can expect, I failed. It brought me to a bigger pressure. I didn’t want to communicate too much with peers as I was not ‘happy’ to hear jokes or honest feedback about my shape.
I tried again. Failed again. I was angry with myself, ate in the late evenings. Again tried not to eat at all. Gained weight. Tried again. Became fatter.
It took almost 7 years of my fight with myself. At the end of the day, I found my peace, energy, wisdom and dedication to go through temptations with small and persistent steps. And I won.
Today, I am not about weight buttle. I am about what I got as a side effect.
I became completely sure that I was a boring person and I had nothing to ‘give’ (very commercially advanced thinking at the age of 14) to my peers. I mean, I thought that all of them were so awesome, brave, provocative. And to be part of any team I had to make contribution with my experience, humour, ideas. And I felt I was like an empty box. Nothing was inside.
I was boring for them. I was boring for myself.
It resulted in that most of the time I was not invited to join teenagers party. And when someone made a strange decision to invite me, I didn’t go there, because, what can I give them?
For sure, sitting with myself and not communicating with others made me even more boring.
…
Now, I don’t feel that I am boring. I rather talk too much. Not, actually. Maybe I am boring. But my life is exciting. I am scared to do many things every day.
It can be public speaking in front of 150+ top managers.
It might be even meeting an old friend.
It can be leading project for a big company.
And it might be making a social media post.
Yes, I have this feeling of discomfort to do what my mind stops me from doing. But this is exactly what changed my life and me 100%.
Going there where could be something new, interesting and unexpected — this excites me!
Go there, no matter what. Even if you feel you are not enough.
And you will have a fantastic life. You will have whatever you want
Smile, always, my friend.